girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
