dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
