I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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