Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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