Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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