I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
