How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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