Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
