Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
