Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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