so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
