You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
