Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
