Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
