some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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