if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
