i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
