I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
