I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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