a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize