It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
