Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
