My Higher Power is John Stamos
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
