this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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