brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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