GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
