I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
