Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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