He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
