wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
