this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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