The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
