You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
