If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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