Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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