Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
