Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
