Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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