I'm drive I can fine osifer
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
