Swine flu. Run for my life!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What a dumb baby whore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
