I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
