just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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