my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
