i dont even know how to be here
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize