Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
