I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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