Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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