Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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