what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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