I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
