I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
