whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
