She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
