im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
