College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
