Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
