How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize