blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
