Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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