Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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