No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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