You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
