I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
