1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fuck appropriateness.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
