ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
