I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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