Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
