I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
