Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
