Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
